Comic: Claytoonz: Four More Trump Coups

Welcome to day one of the 2024 campaign season.

If Donald Trump truly believes that the last election was stolen and the election didn’t work out, then why is he bothering to go through another election? If I take my car through a car wash and pigeon shit comes out all over the place, I won’t go through that car wash again. The only reason Trump is running for president again when he believes, as he said last night, that our democracy is a ‘rigged and corrupt system’, is to use the 2024 election as a vehicle. for another coup attempt.

The power grab isn’t just one of the many reasons Trump announced his candidacy for the 2024 election last night. One of my readers on GoComics titled Trump’s comeback attempt “Loserpalooza Grifting Tour 2024”. Trump has a history of defrauding his supporters. To raise funds from his gullible henchmen over the past two years, he has fought to be reinstated (he has not been reinstated), to fund campaigns for other Republicans (which he did very little) and to fight political attacks on him by the FBI and DOJ (they are not political). Now he can fundraise as a political candidate, but let’s use last night as an example of how it works in another scam.

Trump made his announcement at Mar-a-Lago. It was a campaign event. I’m sure Mar-a-Lago commissioned the Trump campaign to organize this event. For the slow kids, the money you gave Trump for his campaign or Super PAC went to the Trump-owned venue and then went into Trump’s pocket. This is what we call a scam.

The documents from Trump’s former accounting firm, Mazars USA, were released two days ago by the House Committee on Oversight and Reform. The disclosure shows that six nations spent over $750,000 at Trump’s hotel in Washington during his presidency (sic). China, Malaysia, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey and the United Arab Emirates are reportedly spending $10,000 a night to influence the Trump White House (sic). Qatar spent more than $300,000 over three months ahead of a meeting between Trump and the country’s emir. So when Trump sat down to talk to this guy, he was probably aware that he had just given him over $300,000. These are just six of the nations that have frequented a Trump property during his tenure. The Washington Post estimates that his trips to Mar-a-Lago alone cost taxpayers more than $64 million.

At $64 million, that’s a dollar for every bedbug found at Trump Doral. Or at $130,000 to silence the pornstars he brutally bullied in Vegas hotel rooms, $64 million would net 493 Stormy Daniels. And the morons at MAGAt want an account of every dollar spent on Ukraine, please.

Another reason Trump is announcing so soon is that he believes he cannot be indicted by the Justice Department for the attempted coup, or the theft of classified information, or by Georgia for electoral fraud, and for all that he is under investigation. Since Donald Trump’s white nationalist terrorists defecated in the halls of Congress, I think any sentence Trump receives should include picking up dog poop in public parks in Washington DC. Hey, who’s that big orange dude racing dog doo-doo in Farragut Square?

And another reason he announces so early is to scare off other potential Republican candidates, like Ron DeSantis. But if anything, Trump has potentially created an exciting moment for DeSantis’ announcement, as it will be new and fresh after Trump spent months being the only candidate barking out the same annoying lies. Ooh, when he announces, I hope DeSantis wears the white boots.

Boring? Did I mention boring? It couldn’t be boring because last night I turned on Fox News for a few minutes and saw Mike Huckabee and Jim Jordan telling Sean Hannity that it would be impossible to beat Trump because he was on a huge roll dynamic energy or something like that. shit like that. Sean, Huckabee, Jordan and a few other morons kept talking about Trump’s amazing speech which they weren’t paying any attention to. What?

Yeah, Fox News cut Trump’s speech to talk about his speech. Fox News’ fear was that its viewers might actually hear it…or fall asleep hearing it. It’s like I’m making a giant bowl of pasta with my amazing sauce, putting it across the room where you can see it, but leaving you nothing. Instead, I’m just going to describe it and tell you how amazing it is. Take my word for it. The meatballs are amazing meatballs. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Last night, all the pundits were pointing out that Trump was trying to replicate what Grover Cleveland had accomplished and be just the second former president to win the presidency. Grover Cleveland was elected to the presidency in 1885 and he lost his bid for re-election in 1889. Four years later, in 1892, he returned and again won the presidency. Not only did he win the presidency, he beat William McKinley, the man who defeated him in 1889. Trump is not only trying to do what Cleveland did by winning back the presidency, but also beating the man who defeated him, the president. Joe Biden.

But after listening to his speech last night, or at least the parts I didn’t fall asleep to, Trump is more likely to replicate the story of the other five former presidents who tried to take over the White House than to replicate the feat. of Cleveland. .

Trump’s speech was boring. Sure, he was reading a teleprompter but it was like the guy couldn’t see the rules. It was a long sentence of lies.

It wasn’t shocking that MSNBC didn’t air any of his speeches live, but it was a bit surprising that CNN gave up and addressed analysts during his speech. But it was an even bigger surprise that Fox News stopped carrying it live and instead brought us Mike Huckabee’s flattering analysis. Fox News wanted its readers to believe it was an exciting talk instead of seeing it and viewing it as the snore fest it actually was. Jeb Bush tweeted that it was “low power” and added the hashtag #SleepyDonnie.

It was an extremely long speech. In fact, he could still deliver it.

You might think it only looked boring on TV and to truly appreciate the dynamic energy and enthusiasm you would have had to be there. We could always ask the people who were there if only the Trump campaign would open the doors and let them out. It’s true. Several people attempted to flee before yawning to death, but were foiled in their attempts to escape through locked doors. It was probably a violation of a lot of fire codes and certainly the stuff of my nightmares.

I was in a room during a Trump speech once and luckily the doors were unlocked and my mate and I were able to flee the stage for all the seig heils when no one noticed. But even if they had locked the doors, no Trump campaign employee could have stopped me from leaving.

It’s the lack of energy and enthusiasm coming from Trump that makes me believe he’s not going to replicate Grover Cleveland, and instead follow the paths of Martin Van Buren, Millard Filmore, Ulysses S. Grant, Theodore Roosevelt and Herbert Hoover (Yes, I have ninja research skills, y’all). Each of these five former presidents has attempted a comeback to take over the White House after leaving it. What the five failed to do was not just win back the White House, but win their parties’ nominations. Every one of their parties said, “Nah, uh-uh, we’re fine, thanks but no thanks” and “seriously, Fillmore? What the fuck is this? »

Maybe instead of trying to be like Grover Cleveland other than being tied with him for second fattest president (Cleveland didn’t have Dr Ronnie Jackson to lie about his weight but he had a doctor who give him secret jaw surgery on a yacht off Long Island), Trump should try to do what President John Tyler did.

John Tyler also lost the presidency after one term, took 16 years off, then attempted a political comeback by running for a congressional seat… the Confederate Congress.

Sure, John Tyler was a traitor, a former US president who joined the enemy, but Trump is also a traitor. Donald Trump is beholden to Russia and tried to overthrow our government. And we all know how much Trump loves Confederate statues and defends Nazis and white hoods, but the Confederacy is gone. Maybe Trump can run for office in the government of one of our enemies that still exist, like Russia or North Korea. Tyler won a seat in the Confederacy and maybe Trump can sit in the Duma, the Russian Congress. They can call it the Duma Dumbass. It’s catchy.

Just be careful, Sleepy Donnie. Tyler won the election on his political comeback, but died before he could assume his traitorous position. Don’t worry, Donald. I’ll let everyone know that you’re not dead… and you’re just giving another speech.

Daniel K. Denny